Frisky (and Safe) After 50

“OK, so we know you’re not going to get pregnant.”

Sexuality educator Jane Fleishman, PhD, usually opens with this line when she goes into senior communities to speak about secure intercourse. It’s her method of making an attempt to interrupt the strain and clear the air. Sex discuss may be awkward at any age, whether or not you’re 15 or 50-plus.

Then she brings out the puppets. But these aren’t the type you see at a youngsters’s puppet present. They’re made within the type of female and male intercourse organs – a vulva and a penis. That often breaks the ice and will get fun.

“But then I say, ‘This is real stuff. You don’t want to get an infection from somebody else,’ ” says Fleishman, who bought her diploma in human sexuality research whereas in her 60s.

There’s an actual want for such a training amongst people who find themselves older, she says. To begin with, sexual intimacy doesn’t finish when an individual receives their AARP card.

About three-quarters of adults 65 to 80 agree that intercourse is a vital a part of a romantic relationship, no matter age, based on a 2018 survey from the University of Michigan. And greater than half of these in romantic relationships reported being sexually lively. Men on this group had been about 4 instances extra doubtless than girls to be “extremely interested” or “very interested” in intercourse.

Another latest research discovered that 43% of ladies ages 50 to 80 had been sexually lively up to now yr. And 62% had been happy with their sexual exercise. Only about 28% stated menopause-related signs interfered with their capacity to be sexually lively.

Fleishman desires to guarantee that these adults – lots of whom could also be widowed or divorced and relationship somebody new – are approaching intercourse safely, so she begins with the fundamentals. “I talk about mouth to anus, mouth to vulva, mouth to penis, penis to vulva, penis to anus,” she says. “I really try to be as blunt as I possibly can be.”

Just as importantly, she discusses the necessity for consent and communication in a sexual relationship. “The business of consent is taught to teenagers and to college students now,” she says. “But nobody’s teaching older adults about it.”

Finding the Gaps

Older adults are far much less more likely to get sexually transmitted infections (STIs), in comparison with different grownup age teams. Still, an infection charges are going up at an alarming price, consultants say. Between 2009 and 2019, in folks 55 and older, STIs – together with hepatitis C, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea – elevated by 4 to 5 instances, based on the CDC.

Part of the issue is a lack of understanding. When researchers examined STI consciousness in adults 65 and older with a questionnaire, they discovered loads of gaps. “On average, older adults only correctly answered about 12 of the 27 items, which means they did not know facts about STI risk, presentation, transmission, or treatment,” says Matthew Lee Smith, PhD, who led the analysis at Texas A&M’s School of Public Health.

Health care professionals can present useful training and steerage, however solely to people who find themselves open and trustworthy about their intercourse lives. That’s taking place extra now than it has up to now, says Nicole Williams, MD, of the Gynecology Institute of Chicago. But usually, the dialog occurs too late together with her older sufferers. They’re simply not as keen to speak about intercourse.

“They’re not worried about pregnancy. They’re just having unprotected sex and then coming to me and asking for testing,” she says. “I find that problematic because they’re getting exposed to HPV, trichomoniasis, bacterial vaginosis, and other sexually related infections.”

Cornelius Jamison, MD, makes it some extent to deliver up intercourse together with his sufferers in his household medication apply in Michigan. He does his greatest to make the dialog comfy and straightforward, however even nonetheless, older sufferers usually have hassle talking brazenly about it, says Jamison, an assistant professor within the Department of Family Medicine on the University of Michigan.

“It will be like the last thing at the end of the visit, where they’ll say, ‘Oh, and by the way, Doc, I was wondering, is it possible to get Viagra, Cialis? I’ve seen that they work, and I’m having some issues.’”

Jamison says he needs extra medical doctors would ask about intercourse throughout commonplace bodily exams, it doesn’t matter what the age of the particular person. “The desire to have sex never really goes away,” he says. “Sometimes providers aren’t thinking about that.”

Let’s Talk About (Safe) Sex

Gynecologist Barb DePree, MD, has seen an enormous spike in relationship amongst girls 50 and up. Dating apps that zero in on sure age teams might be one motive for that, says DePree, director of ladies’s well being at Holland Hospital in Holland, MI. And the numbers bear that out. Nearly 20% of adults ages 50 to 64 report utilizing relationship apps or websites, based on Pew Research. While that’s not as excessive as the following age group down (38% for ages 30-49) it’s nonetheless numerous on-line exercise.

Whatever the explanation, this spike in relationship might do a lot to elucidate the rising variety of STI instances on this older set. In addition, DePree says, many older adults don’t appear as accepting of condoms as youthful folks.

But safety remains to be necessary at all ages when there’s a risk of an STI. Where the penis is concerned, that usually means a condom. For girls, particularly, the vulva and vaginal tissues skinny with age and might be extra vulnerable to infections corresponding to human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes simplex virus (HSV), hepatitis B, and hepatitis C, says DePree.

As girls age, vaginal dryness is frequent, and DePree says most will profit from a lubricant. But the place condoms are concerned, DePree has a tip: While silicone lubricant is a well-liked alternative for postmenopausal girls, it doesn’t pair properly with condoms.

“Most condoms will be somewhat degraded with a silicone lube,” she says. Use a water-based lubricant as an alternative.

But condoms received’t all the time assist. Oral-to-genital transmission can also be doable for STIs corresponding to herpes and HPV, in addition to in different kinds of intercourse. Ask your physician about methods to guard in opposition to STIs when a condom isn’t doable.

Keeping It Fun

Fun begins with being comfy together with your accomplice. And getting comfy usually begins with a dialog.

“Talk about previous STIs, talk about sexual partners, talk about whether or not you want to use condoms, whether or not you feel comfortable doing certain positions,” says Jamison from the University of Michigan.

“If someone’s had a hip replacement, then maybe this is not the position to do.”

And, importantly, get examined for STIs, says Williams. “I offer that to every one of my patients, no matter how old they are.”

Safe intercourse training, in any respect levels of life, tends to incorporate solely the cautions. Fleishman, the intercourse educator, says it’s necessary to speak concerning the joys and pleasures as properly.

Many adults of their 50s, 60s, 70s, and past uncover an opportunity for renewal, pleasure, and liberation of their intercourse lives. After all, says Fleishman, “There’s no expiration date on pleasure.”